- When the guest of honor is a high-ranking official, the custom is to let him choose the date for the occasion and to consult personal staff about the guest list and general arrangements
- After these steps, a formal invitation with “To remind” written on it is sent to the guest of honor
Formal receptions and receiving lines
- Formal reception. The formal reception is used more within military circles than in the private sector.
- The formal reception has provided a means by which military and civilian personnel get to meet the honoree upon his/her selection to a position or departure from the same.
- Formal receptions are also convenient for other special events, such as a wedding reception honoring a newly married couple, or introducing a group of newly arrived individuals and spouses to other members of the organization.
- In addition to flowers and potted plants, decorations may include the flags of the nations whose representatives are guests, as well as the personal flags of high-ranking officials in the receiving line.
- A carpet runner is often laid in front of the receiving line. The carpet is only for the official party to stand on. Carpet runners are not mandatory and may be excluded for reasons of safety.
- It is thoughtful to provide nearby seating so that those receiving guests may rest occasionally.
- If there is a band, the acoustics are checked, and the musical selections are discussed with the bandmaster.
- Arrangements are made for appropriate photographs.
- The bar and buffet tables are separated to avoid congestion at either end of the room. The buffet tables are attractively decorated with flowers or a novel centerpiece.
- Soft drinks are made available for guests who do not drink alcoholic beverages.
- A group of junior personnel (officers, NCOs, and enlisted) may be stationed at the entrance to the building to greet and escort distinguished guests to the receiving line.
- Formal luncheons, receptions, and dinners usually have a receiving line to afford each guest the opportunity to greet the host, hostess, and honored guest. The receiving line should be kept as small as possible.
- Suggested arrangements for receiving lines for official functions are listed below. These are only guides. The guest of honor is positioned based upon the host’s preference.
- Host Guest of honor Hostess Spouse of guest of honor
- Host Guest of honor Spouse of guest of honor Hostess
Display of flags at military receptions and dinners
- Placement. At military receptions and dinners, especially when general officers are present, the custom is to display appropriate national colors and distinguishing flags in the “flag line.”
- The flag line is centered behind the receiving line and/or the head table.
- Flags displayed behind the receiving line or head table are arranged in order of precedence. The flag of the United States is always located at the place of honor, that is, the flag’s own right (the observer’s left), regardless of the order or location of individuals in the receiving line. When a number of flags are grouped and displayed from a radiating stand, the flag of the United States is in the center and at the highest point of the group.
- The flag of the United States is always displayed when foreign national flags, State flags, positional flags, individual flags, the United States Army flag, or other organizational flags are displayed or carried.
- The order of precedence of flags is as follows:
- The flag of the United States.
- Foreign national flags. Normally, these are displayed in alphabetical order (English alphabet).
- Flag of the President of the United States of America.
- Normally, the State flags are displayed in order of admittance to the Union. The territorial flags are displayed
after the State flags in order of entry into the Union (see app B). - Military organizational flags in order of precedence or echelon.
- Positional flags in order of precedence.
- Personal flags in order of rank.
- United States Army.
- United States Marine Corps.
- United States Navy.
- United States Air Force.
- United States Coast Guard.
- Army National Guard.
- Army Reserve.
- Marine Corps Reserve.
- Naval Reserve.
- Air National Guard of the United States.
- Air Force Reserve.
- Coast Guard
- For each general officer present at the head table of a reception or dinner, only one general officer “star” flag for each grade may be displayed, regardless of the number present for each grade.
- If two or more service general officers are participating in an event, star flags for each Service are displayed. The star flag of the senior officer precedes the others.
- Positional flags take precedence over personal flags. It is incorrect to display a four-star personal flag for the Chief of Staff or Vice Chief of Staff of the Army. When these individuals visit an installation or agency, someone in the official party normally carries a positional flag for this purpose. Keep in mind that the host’s flags are always displayed/flown.
- While AR 840–10 does not address the issue of the display of positional or personal flags of guests attending military functions, the HQDA procedure is to display the positional or personal flags of individuals participating in the function. Positional or personal flags of guests in attendance but not participating are not displayed.
- Personal colors for retired general officers are not authorized for public display (AR 840–10, para 3–32), except when the officer is being honored at an official military ceremony. Also, if the officer is in attendance on the reviewing stand in an official ceremony and the flag displaying his or her rank is not already on display.
Seating arrangements
There are different plans for seating guests at dinners, luncheons, and banquets. The social occasion determines the best
plan to use.- Usual mixed dinner. The plan in figure 3–1 is the traditional arrangement, with the host and hostess sitting at the
head and foot of the table.- Spouses are seated at dinners according to the ranks of their sponsors unless they personally hold official positions. For example: The wife of the man at the right of the hostess normally would sit at the right of the host. Rule to remember: The ranking female sits to the right of the host and the ranking man to the right of the hostess.
- All guests are seated by rank since female ambassadors, Cabinet members, and Congresswomen are on precedence lists within their own right and could outrank their husbands, or the senior man could sometimes be a bachelor or a widower. Situations like these would break the customary pattern of seating the husband next to the hostess and the wife next to the host.
- In completing the table plan, the second ranking man sits at the left of the hostess; the second ranking woman at the host’s left. The third ranking lady sits at the right of the first ranking man; the fourth ranking lady at the left of the second highest-ranking man. This continues until all guests are seated. An exception to this arrangement would be if the guest of honor was an international visitor and language capabilities are in question, raising the need for a translator.
- If strict observance of rank would seat a wife next to her husband, one of them is moved. Pick that person to be moved and his new position carefully. Cause as little disruption of rank as possible.
- The host and hostess do not give up their positions at the head and foot of the table unless a guest is the president, king, or queen of a country. When this situation occurs, then the visiting dignitary sits at the head of the table and his wife at the other end. To avoid making themselves the “guests of honor” by sitting to the right of the distinguished visitors, the hostess sits to the left of the visitors and the host sits to the left of the visitor’s wife. The highest ranking remaining guests would then be seated to the right of the dignitary and his wife. This rule does not apply to the President of the United States and the First Lady. They do not relinquish their places at the head and foot of the table when they are host and hostess.
- The plan in figure 3–2 is for large official dinners.
- When there is an equal number of males and females, some females must sit at the outside places on one side of the table. In the past this has been considered undesirable. To avoid this, two places may be set at each end of the table. Another way is to seat two females together; that is, move the third and seventh females together, and move the fifth male to the position of the seventh female at the end of the table, or make similar changes with the fourth and eighth female and the sixth man.
- When there are more males than females, there will be fewer places on one of the sides of the table, and men will occupy the last positions. Place settings must be spaced farther apart on that side to balance the table.
- The plan in figure 3–3 is used when all couples are married.
- The plan in figure 3–4 is suggested when a couple (such as the fifth ranking man and woman) are not married. They should be seated side by side.
- At tables of 8, 12, or any multiple of 4, the host and hostess cannot sit opposite each other without putting two males or two females together if there is an equal number of each present. To balance the table, the hostess moves one seat to the left, putting her right-hand guest opposite the host.
- The plan in figure 3–5 is suggested for a small dinner of 8 to 10 when a hostess or co-host/hostess is not desired. Usually this is the plan when the guest of honor is married and is not accompanied by his spouse.
- The plan in figure 3–6 is suggested when the ranking male and female are not married to each other and the single host or hostess does not wish to have a hostess or co-host/co-hostess at a dinner in multiples of four.
- The arrangement for host and co-host is in figure 3–8. Since the table for a large gentlemen only dinner or luncheon is usually long and narrow, the host and co-host generally sit opposite one another at the center of the table.
- The planning figure 3–9 is used if the party is small or if a co-host is not desired.
- Another lunch or dinner arrangement at which the host presides alone is in figure 3–10.
- The arrangement of the host and co-host at a round table is in figure 3–11.
Formal dinners
Completely formal entertaining has practically disappeared from the American social scene because it requires a well trained staff and expensive table furnishings. For these reasons, informal dinners have now become the norm. Details of strictly correct service, elaborate table settings, and formal menus can all be studied in general etiquette books. There may be times when the traditional formality of the past may need to be observed on some occasions, such as White House state dinners or when abroad. Thus, a few principles are reviewed here to help those who may be required to attend a formal dinner.
- Dinner partners. At formal dinners, each man escorts the dinner partner, who sits on his right, to the dinner table.
- Each man may learn his partner’s name from cards in small envelopes arranged on a silver tray in the entrance hall (see sample card in fig 3–13). At large dinners in hotels or clubs, a tray of name cards is usually placed in the room where cocktails are served.
- Each man opens his envelope or card in time to meet his dinner partner. The host makes certain that every man either knows or is presented to his dinner partner. At large official dinners, the aides make the introductions.
- After noting the name of his dinner partner on his card, each man checks the seating chart. The chart is usually displayed near the tray of name cards. It is generally a table-shaped board that shows the location of each guest’s seat at the table.
- The host leads the way to the dining room. He escorts the ranking female and seats her at his right. The hostess comes next with the ranking male, unless the guest of honor is of a very high position. In this case, the host (hostess) and guest of honor enter the dining room first. The host or hostess and ranking female (male) enter next. All other guests follow in pairs, in no particular order of precedence.
- The place cards most generally used are heavy white cards about 2 inches high and 3 inches long. The flag of the hosting official or general officer or a unit crest may be embossed or stamped in the upper left corner or top center. The title or rank and surname are handwritten in black ink. If two people of the same rank and last name are present, a first initial may be used.
- Sergeants through master sergeants are referred to as “sergeant.” Sergeants major and command sergeants major
as, “Sergeant Major.” Second lieutenant and a first lieutenant are referred to as “Lieutenant,” and lieutenant colonels
and colonels as “Colonel,” and all general officers as “General.”
- A thoughtful guest will always write a thank you note to the host/hostess who has entertained him or her. It is also thoughtful to send flowers or a gift for very special occasions.
- It is generally not necessary to write a thank you note for large official functions, such as a reception to which hundreds of guests have been invited.
Toasts
- Toasts are given upon various occasions - at wedding receptions, dinners, birthday parties, anniversaries, and dining-ins/outs. Today we honor individuals and/or institutions by raising our glasses in a salute while expressing good wishes and drinking to that salute. Etiquette calls for all to participate in a toast. Even non-drinkers should at least raise the glass to the salute.
- Those offering a toast, male or female, should stand, raise the glass in a salute while uttering the expression of good will. Meanwhile, the individual(s) being toasted should remain seated, nod in acknowledgment, and refrain from drinking to one’s own toast. Later, they may stand, thank the others, and offer a toast in return. A female may respond with a toast or she may remain seated, smile at the person who toasted her and raise her glass in a gesture of “Thanks, and here’s to you.”
- At a formal event, the host initiates the toasting, Mr. Vice/Madame Vice at a Dining-in/out, or any guest when the occasion is informal. The subject of the toast is always based upon the type of occasion. General toasts would be “to your health,” or to “success and happiness,” although special occasions such as weddings or birthdays would require toasts more specific in nature such as, “to Mary and John for a lifetime of happiness and love” in the case of a wedding, or on a birthday, “may your next 25 years be as happy and as successful as your first 25 years.”
- When you are the one making the toasts at a formal occasion, you must be well prepared. You must have advance information about the person or persons to be toasted in order that your remarks are pertinent, related to the individual, and are accurate. If he or she is a close friend, you may make a more personal remark.
- Toasts are generally given at the end of a meal, during or after dessert as soon as the wine or champagne is served and before any speeches are made. Toasts at dining-ins or dining-outs are often presented just prior to being seating for the meal.
- At a small dinner a toast may be proposed by anyone as soon as the first wine has been served, and guests stand only if the person giving the toast stands. More than one toast may be drunk with the same glass of wine.
- When toasting Prisoners of War water should be used as the toasting beverage.
- For toasts to foreign guests or to heads of state, see appendix C or contact HQDA (SAUS–IA–FL), Foreign Liaison Protocol, at (703) 697–4762 or DSN: 227–4762.
Figure 3-1. Usual mixed dinner
Figure 3-2. Usual large official dinner
Figure 3-3. Married couples at mixed dinner
Figure 3-4. Unmarried couples (No. 5) at mixed dinner
Figure 3-5. Small mixed dinner (no hostess) (guest of honor and spouse are at No. 2)
Figure 3-6. Small mixed dinner (no hostess)
Figure 3-7. Roundtable seating arrangement
Figure 3-8. Stag dinner with host and co-host
Figure 3-9. Stag dinner with no co-host
Figure 3-10. Another stag dinner arrangement with no co-host
Figure 3-11. Stag dinner at roundtable with host and co-host
Figure 3-12. Speaker’s table at a banquet
Figure 3-13. Sample of a dinner card
Figure 3-14. Roundtable seating plan
Figure 3-15. Rectangular or square seating plan
